Cognative Behavioral Therapy – Round 2

Don’t call it a comeback!

All things considered, I’m a really lucky bastard.  I have an amazing wife, she is a joy to be around, her intellect makes her an education on whatever it is we discuss and her relentless support of her principles and causes she supports makes her an inspiration.

I don’t hate my job, even though it is what may be called an Office Drone, it is always fresh, my colleagues are great people and my employers invest in their staff with training, support, and a health plan.

I get on with all of my family, we may not all be in the same city, or indeed the same country, but we all get on fine and stay in touch with each other probably not as regularly as we should but with every single phone call we always say we will correct that.

So what do I have to be depressed about?  Simple.  I live with Depression.

Even though I know that it isn’t my fault and that I do all that I can to manage the clouds and darkness that descend, they still come.  And every time they come, I always ask myself, what do I have to be depressed about?  The answer is I suffer from Depression and Anxiety issues.

Despite healthy living, keeping active, doing exercise etc, the demon returns when I don’t expect it.  It it here at the moment.  And this is why I am lucky.

My work have a health plan with AXA that they referred me to.  Today, I spoke to a Counsellor for an hour and, as a result, I’m going to do 12 sessions of Cognative Behavioural Therapy and my employer is paying for it.  As someone who loves the NHS, I do feel conflicted about going private but the way I rationalise it, is if I don’t have to use the already overworked and under funded mental health services on offer on the NHS, then somebody else can.  Or they can take one person off of the waiting list.

As I say, I’m a lucky fecker.  I know that it’s quite a privilege to have such a support tool on hand, even luckier that my employer is covering it.  I’ve done some CBT before and it helped hugely.  This time, I shall be doing twice as many sessions.

And to be honest, I feel quite guilty.

Guilty for both having the opportunity that thousands upon thousands do not have, and guilty for essentially being a lucky fecker.  But, as the Counsellor I spoke to today said, “Don’t ask ‘Why’ questions, as they will tie you up in an existential mess.  Instead ask ‘How’ questions, as they are far better for you”.

Good advice, I thought.